How would you feel if you walked in a bar and a dozen men immediately approached you. You’d feel really confident at that point. Well the same thing happens when you receive the initial influx of replies when you sign up for an online dating service. It can make you feel really popular.
While the self-confidence boost is a good thing. Don’t let it go to your head. Some online dating sites can be like a virtual bar. But instead of judging a person on physical appearance only, you can read their profile to get an idea of who you’re talking to. But I know from experience some of the men who contact you won’t read your profile.
Here are some things to consider when sending or receiving messages from men online:
Know what YOU want. Remember just like in the real world men are online dating sites for different reasons. Some for love, some for sex and some just for companionship. You need to know what you’re looking for so when you get replies you can judge who you want to communicate with. You don’t have to write back everyone who writes you, just respond to the ones you’re interested in.
Know what message you’re sending.
Now if you’re the one sending the message, you should realize that he’s doing the same and in your message you should think about what message you want to convey to the man you’re writing to. Sending a message saying he looks “hot” or “sexy” sends a very different message than one that says he’s “cool” or that something he does is “fascinating”. Using slang and misspellings send a different message than if you use proper language.
What message your profile is sending. Does your wants, messages and profile match up with each other. If you say in your looking for a long-term relationship don’t say in your message that you’re just looking for friends when what you really want is a casual relationship. Just like you wouldn’t want to be deceived neither does a man.
Don’t give or ask for too much information.
You should not ask for his email address or IM screen name in your first message and definitely not ask for a phone number. And you shouldn’t be giving these out to people in the first messages either. Talk to your potential online a few times before you go off of the dating site’s system. They’re system is setup for your safety so use it.
Remember it’s a message not a novel. Leave the long mini-essays for your family and friends. Keep your messages short, sweet and to the point. Revealing too much now, can cause your potential date to question whether he wants to date you. Remember your messages are short conversations, they should make him want to find out more about you so you can decide if you want to meet in person.
Investing too much can lead to emotional bankruptcy. Remember that this is a person in an email. Don’t build up a fantasy relationship in your mind. Don’t over invest in a non-existent relationship. If you’ve been talking by email for awhile and he doesn’t want to meet, stop talking to him. Some men never want to move past talking or they’re hiding something, so move onto someone else. Don’t get tied to an emotional relationship with someone you may never meet.
The main thing to remember is the point of messaging is to get them on the phone as soon as you’re comfortable and meet them as soon as you feel it’s right. Unless you want a virtual relationship, you don’t want to invest too much time in someone who might not be the person you thought they were when you finally meet in person.
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