Did you have an affair?
For many people this means the end of the happy relationship they once knew. In fact, many relationships end very quickly after an affair happens – but it doesn’t always have to.
This article is about how to get the trust back after you have had an affair on your woman. Trust is the core of a healthy and happy relationship. Without it you have nothing. With it you can stand the tests of time. If you just had an affair then you have broken that bond of trust and need to get it back in order to move on with your relationship.
Restoring Trust in the Relationship
If she is willing to work on the relationship with you after your affair then you are lucky, and you are going to have to be honest with her and start putting in a lot of effort towards rebuilding the trust.
First you have to be honest with yourself though. If you are not honest with yourself then you can’t be honest with her.
Why did you have an affair? There had to be something that pulled you away from your woman and into the arms of another. Whether it was at a feeling of drifting away from your girlfriend or wife, or whether it was just an urge to sleep with the co-worker who flirts with you, you have to find a core reason for the affair happening.
Once you find the real reason you have to find a way to fix it. For example, if you strayed because of the lack of intimacy in your own relationship then you need to find a way to become more intimate.
If you strayed because of your selfishness or urges then you need to find a way to conquer your ego and instead put your focus on your relationship.
Once she see’s that you are trying to fix the problem that caused the affair she will slowly start to rebuild some trust with you.
What keeps the trust going is a constant effort towards taking action to fix the issues. If you start to slack off and put the issues to the side for a while she will start to become distrustful again. After all, you are not showing interest in fixing the relationship at that point.
Another step towards building the trust back is to keep your promises.
When you make her a promise, make sure you keep it. Even if it’s something as simple as making the bed. If you say you are going to make the bed then do it! One little lie can cause her to lose trust in you again – yes, even if it’s that little.
Your girlfriend or wife is going to need you to reassure her that you are not going to fall back into your old ways. She wants to know that you are not the guy who had an affair, but rather you are a guy who wants the relationship to work and succeed.
Assurance comes in the form of following through with your promises. It also comes by apologizing to her when she needs to hear it. Sometimes she may bring up the affair, and if you make her feel bad for doing so, instead of apologizing, then you will not be validating her feelings and you will cause her to lose trust in you again. You will essentially be showing her that she does not have the right to still be upset (she does have the right by the way) which will cause her to think that you are excusing your behavior and could potentially do it again.
If you want the relationship to succeed then you are going to have to reassure her until she gains that trust back with you. You have to be understanding and compassionate and remember that she is testing you to see how you really feel about her and wanting to make the relationship work. This is one way for her to rebuild her trust.
If you don’t want to go through that type of commitment then don’t even bother because you will not be successful in regaining her trust.
Building back the trust will take time.
It may not be a one or two month thing. It may take years. But if you want to have a relationship with her then you have to be committed to the process of her rebuilding the trust.