We all like to think that we are appreciated for our good character, for our great “inner values” and other factors that are taught by our culture as correct and above all, morally proper. These wishes are of course perfectly fine if you have time, are filled with hope and wish to spoil 95% of your chances with the opposite sex. In this case you can put your chips on them and hope that they are the reason for being liked and also look for them in other people.
Reality is of course quite different: we are in fact fundamentally and primarily mammals, for which a lot –and especially concerning attractiveness- happens at an unconscious level. Therefore, a large part of the selection of the potential (sexual/serious) partner happens automatically and within just a few seconds. So we should never forget that the famous “first impressions” are not only immensely important from the literal point of view.
Both men and women must be aware of their effect on the opposite sex and show or reinforce the most sought for factors.
We have already described these key points in “What Women Really Want!” and “What Men Really Want!“. These are exactly what we need to show off to the opposite sex to make a good first impression and if we still have some weaknesses there, improve them.
If we break down the “first impression” still a little further, then we have on one hand the first impression we make in a few (fractions of a) second. This is everything that happens when people look at us and judge us on what they see with their eyes: body language, clothes, etc.
So the external clues we give to other people are of course the most important. Men and women have to pay attention to different things in this respect: the man is “interpreted” immediately and placed into different categories and to be good looking is not that much important. Women however are clearly judged by men for their looks and found either attractive or unattractive.
If you manage to overcome this first hurdle, it is important to demonstrate your qualities further as a potential partner over conversation.
In this respect what is said is of course important, but body language and tone of voice are still more so, and this is especially true for men. While she listens and looks carefully, continuously assessing and interpreting him, he is at first just fascinated by her appearance, and can bear a boring or even really stupid conversation at least for a few minutes if he is hoping for sex.
So, let’s summarize: for men, outer appearance is important as a first impression on a first date and inner values only later on. Women are different in this sense: they interpret all information they receive from the man (appearance, posture, tone of voice, clothing and personal hygiene) immediately and classify him very fast into certain categories from which he will find it very difficult to escape later on.