The Great Silence on the First Date – Why a Date Without the Right Goal Is Unsuccessful

It is quite a strange situation: two people meet each other, at a party, on the internet, through friends, at work, and they go out on their first date. They arrange to meet for a coffee and sit facing each other. They talk about different things – work, friends, hobbies – but both are waiting for something else:

They are expecting something, a tingling sensation in the stomach, a special connection with the person sitting opposite, that extra something that turns this meeting into a special date. They both hope that this time things will be different than on all other similar previous dates. So they sit there waiting and waiting… and waiting. But nothing really happens.

We all have been through this situation at one time or another and have gone home afterwards, disappointed and wondering why nothing happened.

The explanation is quite simple: nobody took the initiative, but both waited for a sign, something special, love, or other similar things that should happen on a date. The problem with our high expectations is that these things don’t happen naturally by themselves or because of some kind of magic. We are trapped because both of us are waiting for the other one to do something, but as we are both expectant about what the other one will do, neither of us does anything and we return home alone and unhappy.

The solution is quite simple: we stop waiting and get active.

This works well when we have our goal already in mind before the date: to get to know the other person better, to have sex, to start a relationship.

No matter what it is, if we know in advance what we want, the whole thing will look quite different. We will no longer wait passively for that vague “something is happening”, but instead we can begin to actively control the situation and influence it, making something happen! Suddenly you have not only a completely different experience yourself, but the other person also receives exactly what he/she was expecting!

In concrete terms this means that men should take the reins into their hands and act like a man. For women, this means not only sitting there waiting for something to happen, but to provide him with what he is really looking for. Therefore there is only one way out for both of them: if they don’t want to have another boring and inconclusive first date, they should have a proactive attitude with clear goals; anything else leads back to the same old results.